Wednesday, March 21, 2007


I typically don't like to use this site as a repeater site but when I came across this article I wanted to share it. The reason being is I don't want my public stuff to be criticized as a fake by me or others. Now that a little bit of math can do some looking at the images well let it be known the geeks are at it again...



Monday, March 05, 2007


I always feel like a coffee shop philosopher every time I pull out my pda to write in a coffee shop. My trusty mug of black and my danish along side - gulp - visor prism. This morning I am lazy. Just to not give a damn worthy to make my own coffee, heck, I even drove to the starbarfs around the corner.
What draws me into this state? What drew me into the state of passing out crying last night? Or the state of walking out of work yesterday? Death. Death. The loss of a close friend on Friday. The loss of innocence of others. The loss of dealing with emotions past. I've not looked at literally thousands of pictures both on my pc and in my head of the friend I lost yesterday, of the friend I lost in August, of those I lost six years ago.
I don't want your sympathy, I just don't want to hear it. I want you to sit by me. I want you to be quiet near by. Listen to my breathing. Listen to the quiver in my voice. Listen to the tears in my story. Cry, cry, cry, cry not for me, not for the family, not for them, cry for yourself, cry for your family, cry for your friends. Christ said 'weep not for me' as he was burdened with his execution minutes away from his own death.
Religion and philosophy don't help. Faith and hope don't put a stop to the void. Friends move away and others return. That is easy. The death though is complete separation. The end of the relationship is final. There are no more pictures. There are no more stories. No more smiles, hard times, big heart felt thanks, no more slap on the backs, jokes, nothing nothing else to look forward to. It's a complete END.
There are others who were closer to my friend. There are others who have known him longer, etc.
How many though know the intimacy of death? How many know love unearthly riped away? How many know how to 'keep it together' when it is all falling a part? How many know what falling a part is like when others say it's time to be together? It's a personal struggle. It's a family struggle. It's a community struggle. It's all messed up and yet every piece is exactly where it needs to be.
The wound need not heal. The perspective needs to change. If the answer sought not meets the question asked; change the question until the question gets the answer sought. If the treatment doesn't work, try another treatment. Re-examine the problem. Keep moving yet stop. Stop and yet keep moving.
What then do I want to take away? Definitely not coffee shop philosophy. Definitely not an empty cup of coffee. Honestly, what I want to take away is what I do to the next level. I want to step it up. Live life more by drawing closer into my friends. Live life more by giving closer to others. There is that next level I can go for with the things I already do.
Loss sucks no mater what. What I can do is glean from my friend's life those qualities I see as important to him and make them my own. What I can do is to challenge myself to take up those qualities I saw in him that I admire. What I can do is to step up to the next level those things we enjoyed together. That is that is the quiver in my voice I want to share. That is...

Saturday, March 03, 2007



I know that getting things moving again isn't easy. I'm irritated. I'm pissed. I'm devistated. A vast range of emotions are running through my heart right now. I got a call this morning about Micah Coleman. He died yesterday in surgery. He was in the process of getting a new liver. I am going through my images now to find pictures of him. I've pulled a few images. I don't have many. It's like an unwritten rule for photogs; you don't take pixs of other photogs unless the situation warrent it.

What I am irritated most of is with the death. I want to raise my fist at GOD. I want to know why must the young die. I can understand the death of old people. Old people's bodies are worn out. They have lived life. It's time for them to move on. What I don't get is for young people to die. I've known one to many young people who've gotten sick and died. Up and Died. WHY?

Cheif Dave told me the story of his late wife Gigi - the lady who was a thorn in my side while on the Caribbean Mercy ages ago - I also gave her great respect and helped her out when ever I could. It was said of Gigi if you needed a wedding dress tell her and a few hours later she'd bring it to you. Cheif, he told me that every day he had with her was grace. His daughter feared that she'd loose her mom before she was 10. Gigi died when her daughter was 12. Cheif Dave also spoke of the fallen world that we live it. God created it to be perfect. He formed it for a place for us to dwell. He gave us a choice. We made the wrong choice. Now the world is corrupt. God did prepare an eternal place for us who believe and trust in the Blood of the Christ for Salavation. Those of us who trust and believe will be with HIM in eternity. Yeah, I took that message Cheif gave me to my sister's bed side 6 years ago... I took that message to another friend's grave over the summer. I take that message today with Micah's passing. It doesn't comfort me right now.

I am going through the images he made availble on line. Of the events that we were at together there are a lot of similar pictures. Micah's pixs Kinda cool. I wish I could spend more time shooting a long side of him...